


Dancing On My Own

by suchanabsentlove



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchanabsentlove/pseuds/suchanabsentlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been apart for nearing 4 years.  Clarke is finally in a good place and ready to move on, but a chance encounter could derail that.  Is she really over Lexa?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dancing On My Own

 

The club is dark and the smoke burns her lungs almost as much as the hot liquid falling down her throat as she downs her 3rd shot for the evening. It’s supposed to numb the pain and yet it’s not having the desired effect when her eyes keep flitting to the blonde hair thrown back in laughter as hands that shouldn’t be around her waist pull her impossibly closer. She should look away she knows she should, it hurts more than it should, but green eyes can’t tear themselves away from the sight in front of her. Her heart still aches for the blonde across the dance floor and flashes of a different time flit before her eyes. A time when her own hands were around the waist of the girl that meant everything. A time when green eyes bore into blue and it felt like the rest of the world just seemed to evaporate. It seems like a lifetime ago and yet so much like yesterday at the same time. She could still feel the heat of the other girls kiss and softness of lips pressed to her skin. She could still taste the lipgloss the girl used to wear and wondered if she was wearing it tonight. Would the boy that currently held the girl that used to be hers get to taste that tonight? Would he make her scream his name with that breathy whisper that used to be reserved only for her? 

Lexa waved to the bartender and ordered her fourth shot of the evening, anything to numb the ache in her heart. She didn’t know why she was here, why she wanted to see with her own two eyes what her friends had told her. That Clarke was happy and falling for someone new, that she was at the club with this guy every night for the past few weeks. Anya had broken the news to her the other day after Raven had let it slip. Lexa was torn between being happy Clarke was happy and being sad that this truly meant the end of what was once a beautiful love story. Part of Lexa had always hoped that they would find their way back to each other. When they were both single this seemed like a distinct possibility that maybe past wrongs could be righted. She had to see with her own two eyes that this dream was dead. 

Clarke’s eyes shined under the flashing strobe lights and it was giving Lexa a headache or maybe that was the alcohol? She wanted to get closer to see if the girls smile was the same genuine one that reached her eyes whenever Lexa had been around. She stood off in the corner letting her own body sway with the music as she watched Clarke’s movements. The boy smirking at the blonde in his arms and Lexa wondered if he knew just how lucky he was. Clarke was beautiful, but beyond that she had the biggest heart Lexa had ever known. If you were lucky enough to gain the girls favor she cared deeply. Lexa felt the pang in her heart and bit back tears thinking how the girl would never look at her like that again. That she wouldn’t press up as close to her as she was to this boy or whisper in her ear how much she loved her and wanted her. She closed her eyes finally tearing her eyes away from the scene in front of her. Clarke wasn’t hers anymore and hadn’t been hers in quite some time. Work and distance had saw to that. 

It was her own fault for getting too caught up in traveling and starting her career than holding on to the girl that she loved. She was dismissive of Clarke’s concerns and missed phone calls and Skype dates had become more and more frequent. Until there was only a shell of a relationship that they both clung to. Some times people just grew apart and sometimes love wasn’t enough to hold people together. So when Clarke had told her it was over she had been expecting it, but it didn’t mean that it stopped the hurt. She could still see the tears in the blondes eyes as they parted ways and it broke her heart all over again. She should’ve fought harder and not accepted it, but she had and it was something she would regret forever.  
Clarke leaned her head on her dates shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. Lexa wondered if she was breathing him in like she used to do with her. She watched Clarke smile at him and when he leaned down and kissed her Lexa felt her breath leave her body. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Clarke wasn’t supposed to move on, Clarke was supposed to be hers forever. That’s what they had promised each other years ago in the dark of night holding hands after making love. They belonged to each other and always would. No one would love the other like they had. It was why Lexa couldn’t move on. She had tried, sure, dates with girls Anya set her up with. Drunken one night stands at clubs and social work events. Still, nothing felt right. No one was Clarke and she knew no one ever would be. It was painful to see that Clarke could move on when Lexa couldn’t. How had she found someone to make her smile light up her face when Lexa could barely find the will to smile in the first place. 

Lexa knew she should leave, to not watch the couple making out on the dance floor. It was hurting her more to see this than she thought. She had hoped it would make her move on, but it just made her want the blonde even more. She had images of her walking over and pulling Clarke back to her and kissing her and making her remember what it was like before. To promise her that she would change and never leave her again. It’s what she should’ve done years ago. It’s what she should do now, and yet her feet would rooted to her spot in the corner. 

When the two dancing bodies started to move against each other in a sensual almost intimate movement Lexa knew it was too much to bare. To see them kissing was bad enough, but practically dry humping was enough to make the bile rise into her throat. The tears were pricking her eyes again and she knew it was time to take her leave. She ducked her head down and made her way to the exit unaware as Clarke came up for air just as Lexa turned for one last look and like instinct blue met green. For a moment they held each others gaze like no time had passed and Lexa could still see that glint in the blue eyes that used to be just for her. She had to break the gaze before it became too intense before she remembered that Clarke wasn’t hers anymore. Before she went over and claimed what used to be the girl of her dreams. She ripped her gaze away and fled for the exit knowing that would be the last time she would ever see the girl her heart longed for. 

 

Clarke was stunned seeing Lexa for the first time in however many years, but it only takes a few moments to react. To push her date aside and run after the girl that broke her heart. She saw her hailing a cab and as the yellow car pulls up Clarke knew this is her last chance she can let Lexa get in the cab and never see each other again and it's tempting. Remembering Lexa hurts, and she's moving on and fuck Lexa for choosing now to enter her life again. Still she can't forget how Lexa made her feel and if she was telling the truth she still dreamed of Lexa and sometimes she'd wake up and reach for the other girl disappointed when she was left with empty space.

Clarke watched Lexa open the door to the cab and her eyes widen with Panic. "Lexa!" she shouted out a last ditch effort to keep her there. Lexa turned around stunned and closed the cab door and waved him away making a few steps towards Clarke. They stared at each other for a few long moments like magnets waiting for that last inch to automatically pull together, but neither wanting to get that close just yet. They both opened their mouth to begin, but neither knew what to say. It'd been years since they've been in the same room together. Clarke crossed her arms her face hardening for a moment confronted with the pain of their past. "Why are you here, Lexa? Why now?”

Lexa swallowed roughly and straightened her spine letting herself harden as well. “I came to say goodbye.” 

 

Clarke scoffed and shook her head in disbelief. “Yeah, so you stalk me and run off perfect way to say goodbye.” 

Lexa looked down unable to take the intensity of those blue eyes that used to look at her with such adoration and devotion. “Not goodbye for you, but for me. I needed to see that you were happy so I could move on. Are you, Clarke? Are you happy?” She asked cocking her head to the side and daring to look up a slight bit even if she couldn’t quite meet her eyes. 

Clarke was a little taken aback by the question and it took a moment for her to respond. Was she? She thought she was until those green eyes met her’s in the club and the past came spinning back around her. Still, Finn was kind and treated her like a Princess. He held her at night and for the first time she could fall asleep without dreaming of Lexa. “Yeah, I’m happy,” she finally said even though part of her felt guilty now. She knew she had no reason to be, Lexa and her were over so long ago. 

Lexa nodded stoically as she blinked back tears. She wasn’t sure why they were there, regret, sadness, loss maybe all three. “I’m glad, that’s all I ever wanted for you. You deserve to be happy, Clarke.” She turned around to go back to hail another cab before she said more. She had no intention of ruining Clarke’s life again. She had done more than her fair share of that. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come,” Lexa spoke her voice thick with emotion. 

Clarke walked a step forward and before she knew what she was doing she reached for the other girls hand tugging it to get her to turn back around. “I wasn’t the one who ended things, Lex. You can’t come back and make me feel guilty for moving on with my life. I waited for you, for months for years. I dreamed that you’d come back and we could fix this. You don’t get to do this, you don’t get to barge back into my life when things finally make sense. You don’t get to come back and then leave again…” Clarke’s voice broke as tears started to fall and Lexa’s eyes softened she hated to see Clarke cry. It was her biggest weakness. She closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around the shaking blonde girl. 

“Clarke, I don’t want to leave, I never wanted to leave. I just can’t keep hurting you. You deserve better and if that boy is better than you need to let yourself be happy.” Lexa saw another cab pull up and she knew if she didn’t get in it she would never leave and she’d end up hurting the girl all over again. “Goodbye, Clarke. May we meet again,” She let her finger tip brush against Clarke’s tear stained cheek before stepping away from her and towards the cab. She heard strangled sobs and a pleading voice calling her name, but she wouldn’t turn around. She couldn’t turn around. She knew whatever was behind her would break her resolve and she needed to say goodbye. When she was safely tucked inside the cab she chanced one last look at the blonde girl that still held her heart.


End file.
